One of my favorite movies growing up was “The Warriors,” and I rewatched the movie and read the book-actually listened to it for the first time (I am not going to waste your time with a lousy synopsis or spoilers here; you can check the IMDB page for that). To my surprise, the stories were vastly different! In both iterations, as the old man watching and reading, what stood out to me for the first time was how much of this story is about our “tribe” and how much our “tribe” influences our actions. As a person that pretty much has questioned the actions of my tribe and how it influences the self, well, I decided to write a blog post about it!

Let’s start from the tippy top!

As human beings, we are social animals. We thrive on social interaction and crave a sense of belonging. Thus, whether it is a conscious decision or not, being the social creatures that we are, we join multiple tribes. Some examples are; your religious group, your neighborhood, your political party, and your sorority.

All of these tribes have social norms that you conform to.

The conundrum is that, at the same damn time, we all are our unique selves, and being a member of multiple tribes can sometimes create a conflict between our individual sense of self and the social norms of the groups we identify with. Thus, as we grow and evolve, we may find that we have outgrown our tribe(s). This can be a difficult and sometimes painful experience, but it is necessary for growth.

The conundrum of outgrowing your tribe is a common experience for many people. It can happen for various reasons, including changes in beliefs, values, or interests. For example, you may have been part of a religious community for many years, but as you grow older, you begin to question some of the teachings and beliefs of the group. Or you may have been part of a social circle centered around a particular activity, such as sports or music, but as you develop new interests, you no longer connect with your old friends.

Whatever the reason, outgrowing your tribe can be a difficult experience. You may feel a sense of loss as if a part of your identity is slipping away. You may also feel like you are betraying your tribe or letting them down somehow. However, it is essential to remember that this is a natural part of growth and development. Just as we outgrow clothes or shoes that no longer fit, we may outgrow our tribe as we evolve.

One reason why outgrowing your tribe is necessary for growth is that it allows you to explore new perspectives and ideas. We adopt a shared set of beliefs and values when part of a tight-knit group. This can be comforting and affirming, but it can also be limiting. If we never venture outside of our tribe, we may never encounter new ideas or ways of thinking. By stepping outside our comfort zone and engaging with people with different perspectives, we can broaden our horizons and gain a deeper understanding of the world.

Outgrowing your tribe can also be an opportunity to discover new aspects of yourself. We often adopt a specific role or identity when part of a group. For example, you may be the funny one in your group of friends or the serious one in your academic cohort. While these roles can be comforting and validating, they can also be limiting. By breaking away from your tribe, you can explore different aspects of your personality and discover new talents or interests.

Of course, outgrowing your tribe is not always easy. It can be challenging to navigate the emotional and social complexities of leaving a group that has been an important part of your life. However, there are steps you can take to make the transition smoother.

First, it is essential to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It is natural to feel a sense of loss or sadness when leaving a group, even if it is the right decision. Allow yourself to grieve and focus on the transition's positive aspects. This can be a time of growth and self-discovery.

Second, finding new communities or groups that align with your current values and interests can be helpful. This can be a great way to meet new people and feel belonging outside your old tribe. There are many ways to connect with like-minded individuals, such as joining a club or organization, volunteering, or attending events or meetups.

Finally, be kind to yourself throughout the process. Adjusting to a new social landscape can take time, and you may experience setbacks or challenges.

Remember, the tension between the self and the tribe is a natural part of the human experience. We all belong to multiple tribes, and those tribes shape who we are and how we see the world. However, it is up to each individual to decide how much weight they want to give to the expectations and social norms of their tribe and how much they want to prioritize their sense of self. We can live more authentic and fulfilling lives by navigating this tension with intention and self-awareness.When do you know when you have outgrown your tribe?