Racism, Sexism, Classism, and Selfism: What Is Holding You Back The Most? Stop Lying; It's Selfism!

The Long Walk With The Self

Self-ism is the art of holding ourselves back, like a silent, invisible dance we engage in, preventing us from reaching the next level.-DeTravius Bethea, Esq.

I want to talk about a concept nagging at the back of my mind like a DMX bark or persistent itch: self-ism. Before you dismiss it as some made-up term, let me assure you that it's as real as the air we breathe and our choices.

Self-ism isn't the usual suspect we often blame for holding us back, like racism, sexism, or classism. The paradox is that we can be our worst critics, yet we might also be our only saviors.

Indeed, I can't speak for the rest of the world, but in the USA, we tend to focus on external factors to blame for our failures, pointing fingers at society's woes or the privileges of others.

Don't get me wrong; these issues are real and can be hurdles. However, we must recognize that we also play a significant role in our progress. While these factors certainly impact, they aren't always the main culprits.

I know, I know, I know...

Yes, I get it; you are a victim-but um...so! I'm willing to bet a Dogecoin that If you are reading this, you are in a better position than most of the people on planet Earth-I can't speak for other planets. Thus there are billions of people in worst position than you.

And...

I know, I know...

Yes, I get it; this discussion can and has already been highjacked by certain folks that lean a certain way politically, but um...so! If you lean that way, kudos to you. If you don't, don't be mad at the analysis, but ask yourself when or how often you have left it all on the court (double entendre pun right there, what can I say, I'm a lawyer that thinks Shawn Carter is the greatest poet ever to live). If you are honest with yourself, you KNOW you haven't left it all on the court when it came to doing your job, trying to make the relationship work, raising the kids, etc. How much are all those failures REALLY on the -isms of the world?

And trust me...

I've often found myself in the throes of self-ism, unwittingly dancing to its tune. Whether doubting my abilities, downplaying my achievements, or getting entangled in self-doubt, the steps were always repetitive and exhausting.

It's time we stop romanticizing that everything holding us back lies outside ourselves. Trust me, as a black man, with the name "DeTravius," with a nonexistent "interview voice," from Paterson, NJ, I know the world can be unfair- but we have more agency over our lives than we realize. When we fall prey to self-ism, we relinquish that agency, choosing to remain stagnant in a comfortable cocoon of excuses.

It's crucial to recognize the self-limiting beliefs we harbor. These beliefs are like weeds, subtly sapping away our potential for greatness. We must be ruthless gardeners, pulling these weeds out by the roots and making space for positivity to flourish.

One way to combat self-ism is through self-compassion. We often find it easy to be compassionate towards others, offering support and encouragement when they stumble. Yet, we withhold that same kindness from ourselves, berating and criticizing at the slightest misstep. It's time to extend the same warmth to ourselves that we freely give to others.

Another dance move of self-ism is comparison. In the age of social media, it's effortless to fall into the trap of comparing our lives with those of others. Remember, the comparison is the thief of joy. Each of us has a unique journey, and our progress might differ from someone else's. Embrace your path and honor your pace; that's where the true magic lies.

Fear is yet another shadow that self-ism casts on us. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. This dance partner keeps us safely confined within our comfort zones, preventing us from venturing into uncharted territory where growth awaits. But what if we shifted our perspective? What if failure wasn't seen as a sign of incompetence but as a stepping stone toward success?

As much as identifying self-ism is essential, practicing self-awareness is equally vital. Sometimes we engage in self-sabotaging behaviors without even realizing it. When we catch ourselves in the act, we can gently nudge ourselves toward more positive, constructive choices.

Moreover, let's be wary of self-ism's cunning disguise as humility. While humility is a virtue, it can sometimes morph into self-deprecation, where we undermine our achievements and are hesitant to acknowledge our strengths and successes. Humility should never come at the cost of recognizing our worth.

Lastly, surround yourself with a supportive community. Share your dreams and aspirations with people who uplift and encourage you, those who believe in your potential even when you struggle to see it yourself. A network of positivity can provide the motivation needed to rise above self-ism's influence.

In conclusion, self-ism is a dance we all perform, sometimes unconsciously. The inner struggle can stifle our growth or propel us to new heights. While external factors like racism, sexism, and classism shape our opportunities, we must also take responsibility for our progress.

Let's kick off our dancing shoes and liberate ourselves from the chains of self-ism. Embrace self-compassion, practice self-awareness, and foster a growth mindset. And remember, the journey to overcoming self-ism is not a solo act. We're all in this together, learning and growing as we navigate the dance floor of life. So, let's support, cheer each other on, and dance towards a future where our potential knows no bounds.